Yes Easter is upon us and it is the time of the year where all the shops are full of chocolate eggs. John Lewis now has Easter Tree’s (Can they get any more commercial), but what I want to reveal to the public is where do ‘Hot Cross Buns’ come from, and is it true about the Conspiracy Theory that they were used by the Catholic Church to convert Protestants to Catholics?
What is a Hot Cross Bun?
Well it may sound like Bugs Bunny’s Bird on the Blob in a rather foul mood but in fact it is a type of sweet spiced bun made with currants and leavened with yeast. It has a cross on the top which might be made in a variety of ways: it could be pastry, made from a simple flour and water mixture, cut from rice paper and glazed onto the bun, iced, or simply cut into the bun itself.
Conspiracy Theory behind the Hot Cross Bun
The Hot Cross Buns are traditionally eaten in Christian Countries on Good Friday, with the cross standing as a symbol of the crucifixion. However the Hot Cross Bun is believed by some to pre-date Christianity, although the first recorded use of the term “hot cross bun” is not until 1733.
Early Protestant Kings & Queens from the UK saw the buns as a dangerous Weapon used by the King of Spain, the Pope and the Catholic Church, being baked from the dough used in making the communion wafer. On a Friday morning in olden days there was a cue sometimes a mile long outside Bakeries, with everyone waiting for their Hot Cross Buns, but only the Nobles and Uber Wealthy could afford the HT-BUNS. No it wasn’t the Macroni Pies or even an Aberdeen Rowie that had everyones taste buds jingling, it was in actial fact the Hot Cross Buns. However most of the general peasants didnt have much money back then, and a bartering system was in place. In olden times you could trade your Cart Horse for two Hot Cross Buns, your daughter for three HT-Buns or even a whole years harvest for a bakers dozen of those Magical HT-Buns However what they didnt tell you was once you had the taste you were hooked. But what could you do? Basically it was like the Golden Brown from American Gangster. People everyday were going crazy out of their mind for the Hot Cross Buns, and once the public realised they could get them every Sunday down at the Catholic Church they started to convert in their droves.
Elizabeth I was in such a fear of the dreaded Hot Cross Bun that she passed a law banning the bun, but due to their popularity and sales on the black market she faced was a political revolt. If she didnt do something then the Power of the Hot Cross Bun would take over and the whole of the UK and would convert the population in over a week like teh spread of wild fire and topple the Monarchy. She was always thought of as a clever Queen, Elizabeth the first, therefore instead of fighting the Hot Cross Bun histeria, she would embrace it. She acted quickly and passed a new law permitting Hot Cross Buns only to be eaten at Easter & Christmas, but everyone in the country would be given one free from the state on both these days. At the time the Genral Peasant Mob seemed happy with the deal and decided to agree, with the highlight of the year being the free Hot Cross Buns at Christmas and Easter. Early Santa Claus used to dish out Hot Cross Buns. In fact it was the Easter Bunny that came first and Santa’s Beard used to be a fine set of whiskers.
Still to this day none of the Royal Family eat the feared ‘Hot Cross Bun’, as it’s delicious taste with Jam could perhaps just be able to convert them, and still change the face of the Monarchy.
The Hot Cross Bun didnt just stop there, the Conspiracy Theories behind the Hot Cross Bun are seen through out history. Who was the person eating the Hot Cross Bun on the grassy knoll just before the assassination of President Kennedy? Why was Castro eating a Hot Cross Bun before the Cuban Missile Crisis? Why was the Scottish Football team all fed Hot Cross Buns rather than half-time oranges in the European Championship Game against England? Paul Gascoigne is now suffering nightmares and a mental break-down in having to deal with the consequences? All questions the FBI and MI5 are still looking into?
A recent study in Ireland showed that 95% of the consuption of Hot Cross Buns comes from the South especially down in County Kerry where they like to dunk them in their Guinness the same way we like Digestive Biscuits in our Tea. It just goes on and on.
However this may all be myth with no great deal of fact, but why is Dan Brown is about to write his next novel about the Hot Cross Bun?
So when you tuck into the Hot Cross Bun this Easter, just remember this delicious pastry has had a long history and will still be involved in political ramifications once you and I are gone.